Episode III - a semi review just in case you haven’t read any reviews of the movie yet. Then again, you’re probably too busy living underneath a rock.
May 21st, 2005
Rarely am I at the edge of my seat for an entire movie, but I pretty much was for the entire viewing of Episode III. I probably only leaned back in seat during the poorly-acted romance scenes between Anakin and Padme which probably would fit very well in an episode of All My Children, but felt very out of place in the film.
Things learned (and wondered) from Episode III (Potential Spoiler Alert)
1.) Lucas has a thing for hands being cut off (First Anakin, then Dooku, then Grievous, then Mace, then Luke, and then Anakin (again, as Vader)
2.) Wookies watched old episodes of Tarzan to pass the time during galactic battles.
3.) My wife pinched me real hard during the scene where the Emperor leans down and touches a burnt-up Anakin on the forehead and I said “Wow, Ani, you’re a little warm.”
4.) My wife would’ve pinched me real hard during the scene where Darth Vader breaks free from the operating table and walks for the first time if I said “It’s alllivvee.”
5.) Old people can kick some serious ass.
6.) I like Jar Jar when he’s quiet.
7.) Naboo women can give birth with their legs closed, and have no problem giving birth in front of an audience. Or there’s no waiting room in medical centers.
8.) Apparently, all efforts went forth in finding hyperspeed technology whereas characters can jump to and forth planets rather seemlessly, and very little effort went to their ob/gyn technology where they can’t tell if a person is going to have twins.
9.) Very little effort went to other forms of medical technology if they can’t cure that godawful cough Grievous suffers through.
10.) I wonder: do Jedi’s carry handcuffs? How would they arrest the Chancellor, or were they hoping he’d cooperate with them and just give himself in?
11.) I wonder: what programming genius decided to add a “runaway and scream like a robotic wuss” algorithm to the Battle Droids.
12.) Seriously, whoever removed the rocket boosters from R2-D2 between the prequels and the original films is an asshole.
13.) Quick aside: Jar Jar in carbonite. (scroll down a little)
14.) Yoda enjoys piggy back rides.
15.) Mace Windu would be so much cooler if he could curse.
MACE: You are on this Council, but we do not grant you the rank of Master.
Anakin reacts with anger.
ANAKIN: What? ! How can you do this?? This is outrageous, it’s unfair . . . I’m more powerful than any of you. How can you be on the Council and not be a Master?
MACE: Shut the fuck up and take a seat, motherfucker. whips out blaster pistol
16.) I wonder: Seriously, did Anakin take out that annoying Jedi Archivist too? Tell me about my overdue holocron files again, bitch!
Yeah, I’m gonna watch it again anyways.
Comments are closed.